Greetings from vacation with my family!
I was thinking about power dynamics yesterday, as I watched my fourteen year old son and my nine year old daughter interact while building a sand castle on the beach. They get along great, but on some days it is an uneasy alliance. They are 5.5 years apart in age, and right now that gap feels huge. He is a teenager, his world is expanding beyond our family unit, and his interest in hanging with his friends is growing rapidly. He loves his sister, but his attention is focused elsewhere most of the time.
Our daughter, on the other hand, thinks the sun rises and sets on her brother. He is older and “wiser,” has great ideas, knows a lot of stuff, is a leader at their school… she thinks he is just the greatest.
As I was watching them negotiate the sand castle construction, it was obvious that our son was mostly enjoying it, but you could tell by his body language he was keeping an eye on the amount of time he had to keep doing this. And it was also obvious that our daughter wanted this moment of joy to last forever.
Watching the dynamic between my two kids got me thinking about power dynamics. Long time readers of this blog know that I am not afraid to pull an example from any part of my life to make a business point. And while the sibling dynamics during sand castle construction does not provide a direct analog to power dynamics in the workplace, it did get me thinking.
My colleagues and I spend all of our days talking about audience understanding and awareness. And the best communicators I have ever worked with are highly aware of the power dynamics that are always in play in the workplace. In every single workplace relationship there is a power dynamic, of some kind. Always. And the best communicators are always aware of that dynamic.
Let’s look at this in two directions:
The senior person in the dynamic should always be aware of the realities of the dynamic. If the leader is truly committed to open dialogue and a trusting work culture, they need to make space for other voices, discussion and disagreement. Otherwise, culture suffers, and that leader will never hear honest discussion and debate. I see this all the time… senior people tend to get focused on what they want, what they think, and they do a lot of talking at people.
The junior person in the dynamic should also always be aware of the realities of the dynamic. If the junior person is truly interested in being heard, they need to be aware that there is lot going on for that leader above and beyond the junior person’s thing. The most powerful way to approach a conversation with someone senior is to enter with an understanding that for that leader, there is a lot going on. Most of the time, the junior person misses this completely, and gets hung up on being heard themselves. The mistake for the junior person is to lose sight of the fact that the leader has their own pressures, their own goals, and their own human strengths and weaknesses. The leader almost certainly is dealing with things and has information that the junior person knows nothing about. The best way to be heard is often to lead with hearing what the leader has to say.
Power dynamics are not bilateral… there are lots of permutations to consider, including peer-to-peer dynamics, skip-level dynamics, internal-external dynamics. This is a complicated topic that certainly requires a longer discussion. But the bottom line is this. No matter where you sit in the power dynamic, there is “power” in putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. And the more aware we are of the perspective of the other person, the more likely we will be able to get them to hear us. If we want to be heard, we often need to first focus on hearing.
Counter-intuitive, for sure.
I cannot say with confidence that my kids successfully navigated their power dynamic on the beach yesterday. All I know is that the sand castle got built, and everyone seemed to be smiling at the end.
I will take it. Back to my vacation.
Have a great day.
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Does your team:
– Overwhelm the audience with too much detail?
– Make things too complicated?
– Fail to ask for what they want or need?
Does your organization:
– Waste time because of poor internal communication?
– Take too long to make decisions?
– Struggle to clarify and frame discussions?
Do your leaders:
– Exhibit poor executive presence?
– Lean on incomplete communication skills?
– Fail to align the organization?
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