I was recently leading a workshop, when a participant named Paul started talking about the card game poker. We were discussing body language and presence, and Paul equated the conversation to having a good “poker face” while playing cards. In other words, he was talking about maintaining a consistent presence when speaking, no matter what we might be feeling inside. Good card players never reveal anything about their hand to their opponents. Bad poker players reveal a lot, through facial expression, speech pattern, or body language. Good poker players reveal only what they want you to see, often to misdirect your thinking. You never know what they really have in their hand.
Up until that moment I had never thought about the direct connection between poker and communication skills. (Now I think about it a lot…) But Paul’s point was dead-on accurate. When we are giving a presentation, or negotiating a contract, or dealing with combative Q&A we often have strong feelings inside us. It’s totally natural to have strong feelings when we are in a tense or combative situation. Contracts and business may be at stake. Our reputation may be at stake. Someone may be trying to embarrass us, sometimes just for the fun of it. And in those tense moments, if we reveal what we are really thinking and feeling we could lose negotiating leverage or reveal that we don’t really believe what we are saying.
When you are thinking about your communication skills, don’t spend ALL your time thinking about how to craft the message and create a slide deck that is solid. Those things are critical. But you also have to think about your delivery, AND part of your delivery will be your ability to mask your real emotions in times of stress. Make sure you keep a consistent, calm, positive demeanor, no matter what the situation is.
How good is your poker face? Your success may depend on it.
Good luck.
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Does your team:
– Overwhelm the audience with too much detail?
– Make things too complicated?
– Fail to ask for what they want or need?
Does your organization:
– Waste time because of poor internal communication?
– Take too long to make decisions?
– Struggle to clarify and frame discussions?
Do your leaders:
– Exhibit poor executive presence?
– Lean on incomplete communication skills?
– Fail to align the organization?
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