I spend a lot more time thinking about listening now than I used to. Why? I am not really sure. It could be my advancing age. It could be parenthood. It could be experience in my job. It could be the influence of some of the people in my life. Probably, it is a little bit of all those things. But the bottom line is that I think about listening and work on those skills more than at any other point in my life.
Listening matters, a lot. Listening creates understanding and the opportunity for connection. Listening is a sign of respect. Listening builds credibility. And in a fast-paced world, where everyone is always trying to get things done and get somewhere, listening is, in many ways, an act of empathy.
But this is a work blog. So let’s keep our focus there today. It is one thing to say “listening matters” or to counsel someone to work on their listening skills. But how? How does someone actually listen better? It starts with a couple of things: first, you have to want to listen. If you don’t care what others think or want or need, then this blog won’t help you at all. And second, you have to force yourself to be present and not distracted. If you cannot, or will not, discipline yourself enough to put aside the distractions, then, again, this blog won’t be all that helpful to you.
You have to care, and you have to be able to put aside distractions. Can we agree on those two points? Cool, then keep reading.
My colleagues and I frequently discuss a concept called “levels of listening,” because not all listening is created equally. There are degrees of listening, where we are listening for different things and in different ways. Here’s the quick summary of what that looks like:
- Level One Listening. You are present and not distracted. You are paying attention, and taking notes. Perhaps lots of notes. You are listening at a surface level and when the meeting or the conversation is over, you can repeat back much of what you heard. Good job. But at this level you are basically a stenographer. Better than the vast majority of people who don’t listen at all. But you aren’t done yet. Your skills can be better.
- Level Two Listening. You are able to take what you are hearing, and you are now listening for the implication of the words being spoken. Based on what you already know about the speaker, or their company, or their industry, or their situation, you are able to read between the lines a bit and take what you are hearing a bit further. You can connect the dots. Your awareness is higher. The person made a passing comment about being tired? Well you are able to connect that to two things you heard previously… that their group is working tirelessly on the acquisition of a new company, AND that this person has a new baby at home. You not only understand that they are tired, but why they are tired, and this leads to a deeper understanding of what is really going on. And it also means you can better anticipate reactions, issues, or questions that may come up.
- Level Three Listening. You are able to move beyond the words you hear, and the implication of those words, and also draw meaning from what was not said. You start to notice the unspoken communication. The facial expressions. The changes in voice or eye contact or body language. The changes in behavior. When a person speaks up or not, when a person takes notes or not. You hear their words (level 1) and understand the implication of those words based on prior knowledge (level 2) and also notice things that are left unspoken. So, in addition to the person saying “they are tired,” and in addition to connecting that statement to the prior knowledge of lots going on at work and at home, you also notice the person’s facial expression and eye contact change when they make a certain comment. Do you know exactly what this change in behavior means? Perhaps not. But at a minimum, you know there is either probably more to the story, or that the exhaustion is wearing thin and the feelings are deeper than the speaker is letting on. And this will lead to a higher level of understanding, potential anticipation, and empathy. This level of listening leads to much deeper connection.
The point of today’s post is this… listening matters. And not all forms of listening are equal. There are surface ways of listening, and deeper ways of listening. And when we can understand what those levels are, then we have a full toolbox and a stronger skill set.
Great communication starts with great listening. And great listening exists on multiple levels.
Good luck, and have a great day!
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Does your team:
– Overwhelm the audience with too much detail?
– Make things too complicated?
– Fail to ask for what they want or need?
Does your organization:
– Waste time because of poor internal communication?
– Take too long to make decisions?
– Struggle to clarify and frame discussions?
Do your leaders:
– Exhibit poor executive presence?
– Lean on incomplete communication skills?
– Fail to align the organization?
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