Balancing Authenticity and Appropriateness

This post was written by Lauren St. Germain, Facilitator and Coach for The Latimer Group.

Last week I had a virtual “coffee chat” planned with a new colleague. I was meeting her for the first time at the suggestion of a mutual friend who thought we could support one another in our work. 

Just before the call, I made a last-minute decision to squeeze in a workout and midday shower. I knew I’d be short on time to fit it in, but it was my only window, so I made it happen.

As I was getting ready for the call, brushing my wet hair and watching the minutes race towards our meeting time, I realized I had to make a choice. 

Do I show up for this virtual coffee chat with wet hair? Or do I take another few minutes to rush and dry it?

I found myself thinking about two questions we, at the Latimer Group, often ask our clients when they’re preparing for a meeting or presentation.

Will this result in a delivery that is authentic?

Will this result in a delivery that is appropriate?

In that moment I decided the answer to both was yes. 

It was authentic because working out and moving my body is important to me and this was my way to highlight that. And I deemed it appropriate, to show up a little bit more casual and with wet hair, because it was a virtual coffee chat and not a more formal meeting. 

There are two lessons here:

  1. We all have a range of authenticity. There is an authentic version of me that hops on calls in a comfortable sweatshirt with a cup of coffee and wet hair. There is also an authentic version of me who wears a blazer and red lipstick. Both are the “real” me, just at different moments and in different situations.
  2. Making the determination about what is and what is not appropriate is a judgment call that we can only make when we are honest with ourselves about who our audience is and what the context is for our meeting. You won’t ever catch me in a hooded sweatshirt leading one of our workshops. I don’t think that’s appropriate. But if you ever want to join me for a virtual coffee chat? I can promise you a much more casual me.

How would you describe the authentic versions of you that show up at work? At home? 

Does your team:
– Overwhelm the audience with too much detail?
– Make things too complicated?
– Fail to ask for what they want or need?

Does your organization:
– Waste time because of poor internal communication?
– Take too long to make decisions?
– Struggle to clarify and frame discussions?

Do your leaders:
– Exhibit poor executive presence?
– Lean on incomplete communication skills?
– Fail to align the organization?

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Lauren St. Germain

A book about change

The Latimer Group’s CEO Dean Brenner is a noted keynote speaker and author on the subject of persuasive communication. He has written three books, including Persuaded, in which he details how communication can transform organizations into highly effective, creative, transparent environments that succeed at every level.