This post was written by Lauren St. Germain, Facilitator and Coach for The Latimer Group.
I’m nearly two years into parenthood and often say that raising a little human is the fastest way to develop leadership skills. It’s forced me to become more self-aware, consider a perspective outside of my own, and has made me more mindful of the way I communicate.
Recently, I noticed I was guilty of something we advise our clients against: using filler words that undermine the speaker. Two of the most common filler words are “uh” and “um” but there are two others I noticed I use frequently. I insert “okay?” and “right?” at the end of my sentences.
Here’s what that looks like with my toddler:
– “We are going to change your diaper now, okay?”
– “We are only going to have one more cracker and then we’re done with snacks, okay?”
– “It’s dangerous to stand on the chair, right?”
– “We don’t color the walls, right?”
All things I’ve said recently. (Yes, we had our first color on the walls incident.) After noticing this pattern, I realized that by adding these specific filler words, I’m undermining my authority as her mother and likely making it confusing for her.
Because when I say, “okay?” or “right?” what’s really happening is that I’m asking for her permission. I’m asking if she agrees with me and with our plan.
But that is not my intention. I do not want to ask if she agrees with me. I want to be firm and confident as I assert our next steps.
From this experience, I realized I needed a shift. And to practice being more assertive when I speak to her. “We are going to change your diaper now, okay?” becomes “We are going to change your diaper now.” “It’s dangerous to stand on the chair, right?” becomes “It is dangerous to stand on the chair.”
You can do the same when communicating in the workplace. Simply remove the end of sentence filler word and speak with more confidence and authority. “I’m going to talk through two potential solutions, okay?” becomes “I am going to talk through two potential solutions.” “We need to do something about this challenge, right?” becomes “We need to do something about this challenge.”
From here I want you to get curious and ask yourself two questions:
- Do you ever notice this pattern of adding filler words to seek permission/acceptance from your audience?
- And if you do, what impact would it have to practice removing them?
As for me, I can share from experience it doesn’t always make changing diapers easier, but it does help me to stay calm, confident and effective as a leader and communicator. And that’s something I hope you aspire to be as well.
—
Does your team:
– Overwhelm the audience with too much detail?
– Make things too complicated?
– Fail to ask for what they want or need?
Does your organization:
– Waste time because of poor internal communication?
– Take too long to make decisions?
– Struggle to clarify and frame discussions?
Do your leaders:
– Exhibit poor executive presence?
– Lean on incomplete communication skills?
– Fail to align the organization?
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